White hats and Democrats
"I am personally 100% sure that they are fake." — Typesetting expert Joseph Newcomer on the CBS memos.
Everyone knows that Republicans are evil. Really, really evil.
Is Karl Rove actually Satan? Maybe not…but he's close. Would George W. Bush sell his immortal soul to win this election?
I'm surprised you even have to ask.
Spend an hour flipping through the pages of the New York Times, or thirty minutes with the CBS Nightly News, and it is simply indisputable that Republicans (with the possible exception of John McCain) are corrupt, lying racists who use trickery and deceit to steal elections from the good and decent people of America.
The next time you hear a reporter say "Republican," insert the word "scumbag." It just feels right, doesn't it?
And because everyone knows that Republicans are base, vile and corrupt, there is simply no reason to report the details of their vileness and corruption. At least, that's my theory for explaining how the Republicans remain the "bad guys" while Democrats keep doing bad things.
For example, stop a random passerby and ask "Say, who's taking all this soft money to run attack ads and corrupt our political system, the Republicans or the Democrats?" That passerby — be he journalist, junk dealer or Jehovah's Witness — is sure to answer, "It's them crooked, money-grubbin' Republicans."
And yet, 87% of all the evil soft money for attack ads by shadowy "527" sleaze outfits has gone…to Democrats. Moveon.org, America Coming Together.com, Get Michael Moore A Razor And A Jenny Craig Membership.Net — the vast majority of these corrupting "campaign finance reform"-mocking dollars are raised and spent to help out John Kerry. And last time I checked, Kerry wasn't a Republican.
Of course, with a guy like Kerry, that could always change…
And ask yourself "Who is the party of political dirty tricks?" It is noteworthy that the phrase "Republican dirty trick" is a media cliché, while the phrase "Democrat dirty trick" is an oxymoron. Lee Atwater, Karl Rove, "Tricky Dick" Nixon. America knows who the villains are.
So when CBS used unproven charges from obviously falsified documents to blast a presidential candidate just 50 days before an election, obviously — OBVIOUSLY — this was the work of the Republicans. Democrats don't forge documents. They don't generate fake memos to feed media attacks. Only those evil, lying Republicans do that.
Only they didn't. The target in the crosshairs of this dirty trick is Republican George W. Bush. The media moron who ran with the laughably unsourced story of alleged National Guard naughtiness was loyal Democrat Dan Rather. The source of these embarrassingly amateurish "memos" was…well, as of this writing, Dan Rather won't say. The smart money, however, is on the Kerry campaign.
In fairness, it should be pointed out that CBS continues to insist the documents are real. In fact, Dan Rather says that the author, Lt. Col. Jerry Killian, not only typed the anti-Bush memos in 1972, but he also recorded similar comments on his iPod a few weeks later.
So certain are reporters that Republicans are responsible for all political trickery, they are reporting with a straight face allegations from Democrats that the Bush-bashing forgeries were actually generated by Karl Rove. "Republicans are so evil," these Democrats insist, "they're even responsible for our dirty tricks!"
Other Democrats suggest that the fact that "Rathergate" has blown up in their face proves their moral superiority. "Of course we screwed it up. We're not crooks like you guys," they grouse.
Sorry, guys, but trying to steal an election and then getting caught isn't a sign of integrity. It's incompetence.
Although it does make for an interesting campaign slogan: "Democrats — Too Stupid To Be Corrupt!"
Still, there is one area where everyone from ABC to Al Jazeera can agree the Republicans are truly and uniquely evil: Race. Racist Republicans like George W. Bush constantly play the race card, heartlessly fanning the flames of racial resentment and animosity. It's a legacy of their white supremacist past. Everyone knows it. Why, just take a look at the Bush administration: Colin Powell, Condi Rice, Elaine Chao, Norman Mineta, Rod Paige, Alberto Gonzales. Sheesh — why not just start handin' out the white sheets? Why, there must be hundreds of examples of the Bush campaign making speeches and running ads exploiting the issue of race. So what if I can't actually think of even one — what does that prove? That's the "dirty trick" part, see?
Meanwhile John Kerry, the natural born Democratic healer that he is, wants to bind these wounds of racism. Instead of exploiting racial divisions, he is giving speeches to soothe our nation's pain: "We are not going to stand by and allow another million African-American votes to go uncounted in this election," John Kerry told the Congressional Black Caucus on September 11th. "We are not going to stand by and allow acts of [black] voter suppression."
Does Kerry mention any specific acts of "voter suppression?" No. In the repeated investigations of the 2000 election by even the most liberal of media outlets, has a single black voter been found who was not allowed to vote because of skin color? No.
Does anyone have any idea what the heck John Kerry is actually talking about? Hey — who cares? He's telling black voters that the GOP is racist. Like Dan Rather, he knows that it's true, and so does the Black Caucus. Who the heck needs any stinkin' facts, anyway?
The Kerry campaign and its supporters at CBS have risen above facts. When it comes to sleazy campaign money, dirty tricks and playing the race card, the Democrats just know it when they see it.
Now all they need is a mirror. |
