To continue supporting Bush, you have to believe the following:
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals, a clean environment and Hillary Clinton.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed the Iraqi oilfields for Halliburton and Exxon's bottomline.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq. That's worth over 20,000 US killed and wounded and 2 trillion dollars of deficits.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind's ability to breathe or drink clean water without regulation.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches and send them into a quagmire withou8t body armor, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools and teenagers are not educated about sex, then they won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money and blame them when our policy fails.
Providing health care to all Americans is evil socialism, even if it would save us a trillion dollars.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools even though not a single scientist agrees with it.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet, but should ignore separation of church and state, checks and balances and civil liberties.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
John Kerry or any bona fide war hero who questions Bush is a coward who faked his injuries and shot innocent enemies in the back, but GW Bush who went AWOL from the guard and lied about it is a military hero. |
