Men and Women compared
NICKNAMES:
If Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each
other Emma, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go
out for a pint, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20, even
though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and
none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their
bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item
that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a
bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items
in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify
most of these items.
ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is
the beginning of a new argument.
CATS:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.
FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for:
weddings, funerals.
NATURAL:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate
during the night.
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears
and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in
the house.
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