Someone had asked for this a LONG time ago. I couldn't find it then, but just stumbled across it:
THE REVEREND S. P. JENKINS
Rescue Mission
Buckner, Missouri
Dear Mr.
Perhaps you have heard of me and my National Campaign in the cause of temperance. Each year for the past fourteen, I have made an extensive tour of the states bordering the Mississippi River, beginning with Louisiana and North through Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, and Minnesota and have delivered a series of lectures on the evils of drinking, a devotion to lascivious acts performed with female bed partners. On this tour, I have been accompanied by my friend and associate Clyde Lindstrome. Clyde, a young man of excellent family background, is pathetic example of life ruined by excessive indulgence in whiskey and women.
Clyde would appear with me at the lectures and sit on the platform sneezing and staring at the audience through bleary, bloodshot eyes sweating profusely, picking his nose, passing gas, toying with his male organs and making a variety of obscene gestures while I would point him out as an example of what drinking and women can do to a person.
Last summer unfortunately, Clyde died. A mutual friend has given me your name, and I wonder if you would come and take Clyde's place on the next tour.
Yours in faith,
Rev. S. P. Jenkins
Rescue Mission
SPJ/pus
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