Lewis Grizzard
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.
If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
"She [mama] an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work."
"I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out."
"The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity."
"The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one." |
