One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure
it does most of
you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be
interrupted by a
phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one
such occasion, to
try to be as irritating as they were to me. The
call was from AT&T
and it went something like this:
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr.
Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5
minutes thinking
that, surely, this person would have hung up the
phone. Much to my
surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were
still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not
interested but thanks for
calling.
When you are not interested in something, I don't
think you can
express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm
really not
interested", but this lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10
cents a minute, 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate"
of 10 cents a
minute but she at no time used the word rate. I
could clearly see
that it was time to whip out the trusty old
calculator and do a
little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a
day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by
my interest) Yes sir
that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!!
That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly,
monthly or just one big
one at the end of the year for the full $52,560,
and if you send an
annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute,
24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per
day, $1008 per week
and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in
knowing how you will be
making payment.
AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying
you. You pay us 10 cents
a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd
give me 10 cents a
minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by
saying that you'll give me
10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a
minute? Is this some
kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read
about things like
this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your
alien brainwashing
techniques on me.
AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute
for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a
supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens
later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold on.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting
cold. I begin to
eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a
wait of a few
minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeah?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite
understanding our 10
cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was
all I could do
to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not
to produce a
snort.
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for
someone to get back to me so
that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back
to the person who
was helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and was getting really
hungry. I needed to
end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an
aggravated but polite
voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are
interested in
signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing
because you can never
have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd
really like to have
a little brother...
AT&T: (click) |
