I think you are all a little tight!
this is OFF TOPIC, but wanted to give you a ha ha for Friday....
>F
> At the Gym
>
> For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week of
> private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape
from
> when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a
good
> idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with
> someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor
and
> athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how
> enthusiastic I was to get started.
>
> Day 1
>
> They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week.
>
> Started the morning at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get up, but worth it
> when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me.
> She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white
> smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five
minutes on
> the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high,
> but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about
> ten points.
>
> Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very
> encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a
little
>from
> holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be
>great.
>
> Day 2
>
> Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it.
> Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the
> air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little
> wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile
made it
> all worth it. Muscles feel great.
>
> Day 3
>
> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush
> on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am
> certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was
okay as
> long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya
> was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the
> other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair
> monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity
rendered
> obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise
> would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
>
> Day 4
>
> Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't
> help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my
> shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya.
> The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room
> until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the
> rowing machine. It sank.
>
> Day 5
>
> I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human
> being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my
> body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would
> be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you Tanya, I
> don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't
> hand me any more barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the
> damage. You must've gotten your degree from Sadism State University, so
> you are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher,
> which hurt like hell. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a
> music teacher, or social studies?
>
> Day 6
>
> Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am.
> I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven
> straight hours of the weather channel.
>
> Day 7
>
> Well, that's the week. Thank God that's over. Maybe next time
> my wife will give me something a little more fun, like recreational
> root canals at the dentist's. |
