Life's Laws...
The two most common elements in the universe are
hydrogen and stupidity.
Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary: If you are given a take-home test,
you will forget where you live.
The trouble with doing something right the first
time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is
simply to serve as a warning to others.
Drinker's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
The average woman would rather have beauty than
brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by
moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is
that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Since light travels faster than sound, is that
why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's
supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when
you know the battery is dead?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds
fee" on money they already know you don't have?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why do scientists call it research when looking
for something new?
Sponges grow in the ocean.... That kills me! I
wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if THAT didn't happen?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we
still have monkeys and apes?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If all the world is a stage, where is the
audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of
home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
Why are they called apartments, when they are stuck together?
Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his
chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then what is opposite of progress?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
I went to a cosmetic counter, and saw these
little bottle of perfumes in a basket, I asked the lady behind the
counter "Are these things free?", at which she replied, "Free with any
purchase." I said, "Did anyone BUY anything today?
|
