Assembly Required
or
Batteries Not Included
Put boots on blind person.
Attach boots to hook or bar so blind person is suspended vertically in the inverse position. Let hang for 5 minutes (Tell them what they feel is the color red.) Now after removing blind person from boots, allow blind person some time to relax in a small unventilated indoor area. Smoke a cigar. When cloying feeling causes you to feel nauseous, take blind person and walk out the back door into a beautiful summer afternoon, when exiting the indoor area, have kids nearby playing with a dog. Birds should be twittering. Tell the blind person this is blue.
Allow the deaf person to observe the various paraphernalia associated with each musical form. Demonstrate rhythm using metronomes. Go to an orchestra pit on performance night. Meet musicians. A close examination of the instruments might also be rewarding. Sometime should be spent allowing the deaf person to relish the particular tone of each instrument, feeling the differences in duration and intensity of vibration, the stringed, woodwind, brass and percussion instruments are all part of the overall symphony. Watch a symphony performed. Sit close. Afterwards, go to really good jazz bar, have a bottle of the deaf person's favorite wine, relax, watch a good pianist play some Joplin rags, be sure to sit where both the hands and the feet of the pianist are visible. At last call, go home with the musicians and allow the deaf person to lean on the piano while the songs are replayed. Drink whisky and stay up until sunrise.
Allow newborn baby to cry, present nipple.
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