Small Fry: (Comment/analysis). This market looks awful. So awful that I made an appointment to see Dr. Kronkite my crazy shrink early this morning. After we glared at each other he said "Assume the position boobeleh" this of course meant I should lie down on the couch. I did. "So what's the problem today? You need some more free-association?" "No doc" I said, "No more free-association. It costs too much. It's this damn market. It's got me befuddled." "Mmmm" he said "Befuddled, an interesting word you chose. You might have said 'confused' or 'perplexed' or "fagblundget" even, but you gave me 'befuddled'...mmmm". "Come on doc" I cried "it's just a word." "Just a word? Just a word?" he hollered. "There's plenty meaning in words. For example, you might say "Buy" when you mean "Sell" or "Sell" when you mean "sell short". It's what we call a Freudian slip-up in my game. Mmmm. You got real problems boobeleh. It's good you came to me. I'll fix you right up." "Really doc? Gee, that'd be great, 'cause if you really want to know the truth this market that has me befuddled is having a not so good effect on my, er, sex life." "Mmmm. Tell me about it" he said. "Well, Suzy and I will be er, foolin around, and things are going pretty good...then out of nowhere I'll think "should I add to my Sepracor short? Should I enter scale down orders to buy NITE? And soon Suzy's gettin a bit annoyed and dumping me off the bed. I gotta put an end to this befuddlement doc. Can you give me something?" "Sure, coffee and bagels on the table. Go, eat boobeleh." "I'm not hungry doc, I just need some answers."
"Answers I got. On the other table. What I need is questions. Ask on me questions, ask" said doc Kronkite. "OK doc, where's this market going?" I asked.
"Where do YOU think it's going?" he asked. "Well, I think it's going down for a while." "Mmmm" he said.
"And doc, I really like some of the internets, lot of 'em have come down 40, 50, 60%. But I'm afraid of Greenspan and the Fed."
"Who's this Greenspan? Your bookie? Neither a bookie nor a gambler be. Are the Feds onto him?"
"No doc...Alan Greenspan, chairman of the Federal Reserve...he's making noises about raising interest rates. Usually that's not good for stocks."
"So buy bonds" said the doc with a big smile.
"It's not good for bonds either." I said.
"So what is it good for?" he asked.
"Well, it's good for traders who've shorted bonds." I replied.
"So short the bonds, boobeleh, short the bonds."
"It's too late doc."
"You got that right boobeleh, it's too late...I got an 8:00 tee-time with Mendlebaum and my no good brother-in-law. He won't let me take any mulligans, the schnook. You need help. Come back next week, same time."
"Thanks doc." (Lee) |
