DA SUNDAA NUES by Yor frend Jed SundaA Junes 13, 1999
PRISTINA, U-GO-SLAVIAS: Dar is a sho doun at da airports in Pristina. Serb n Russians won't lets the British in. Since dis Sundda Nues aint reportuns but mor liks CNBC, I'lls just gos off on a rant heres n a states meye O-pinyuns.
Whuts realE goins on at da Airports is da failUR of Ms. Albright n da master of 4un pol-O-C Bill Clinton. Dis is sereeus stuffs when NAYTOE gets puts doun by Russian doublecrossRs. Da Russians n Serbs jus drew da line in da sand. Clinton not B ing a warrior but a chickun wills do whuts he dun during Vietnam, run n avoid it while not inhalin.
DA POPE TAKS A HEADR: Ifn U is of faith rememburs da Pope wens ya say yorn prayers. He dun got cut on da head whiched maks Jed sad. Jed liks da Pope n sez he aint Cath-O-lic buts knows a man of God wens he sees 1. LookE at all da good tings da Pope does n he aint eggzacklee a spring chickun. Gets wells soons Pope, we luvs U.
PREZ-O-DENTSHAL ELECTSHUN HEATS UP: George Bush Jr. kind of sorts of throws his hat in ring ta Bcums R nex Prez-O-dent. By sci-O-tific poles he is da mans ta beats at dis tine. I'd votes fur him but I isa voting 4 myselfs whiched shos how smarts I am.
Elizabeth Dole: Mrs. Dole is outs beatuns da bushes (not George) n she is a nice LayDEE. She is smarts and mor den qual-O-fied fur da job. Ifn we is goins ta hav a LayDEE Prez-O-dent den I wood say she woods make a goods one. I'd votes fur her ifn I wasunt goins ta votes 4 myselfs.
Al Gore: OKay let us tak a look-C n realE looks at his qual-O-fiekashuns. He is da Vice Prez-O-dents, big deals, dat just means he goes 2 lots of funerals dats all. N whut tie does he hav ta da Monks n da commies? Did China giv Gore, Clinton and the DNC monies? I woods NEVER votes 4 him. N since he stood by Clinton who lied to da Nayshun so 2 me den he may lie ta da Nayshun. No votes fur Gore, my vote is 4 me.
Hillary Clinton: She aint runnin 4 Prez-O-dents buts I'm askin her ta do da bestus ting 4 the Country, donts runs 4 N-E offuss, just U n dat cheatun husband off yorn jus go away. I woods liks ta forgets yorn husband and U 2. Good bye Hillary sezs Jed.
DA GOOD NEWS: On CNN dis mornin CNN's Larry Woods did a storeE bout da blind LayDEE who rememburs word 4 word da Bible. She sings pretT n plays da pie-ano real nice 2. Dis was a nice storE n I tinks we shoods C mor storeEs lik dis 1.
Dat is da nues, yor frend Jed
Jed, Jed, he is R man
Jed 4 Prez-O-dents (dis has been an unpaid 4 pole-liticul announcement)
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