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Technology Stocks : 3DFX
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To: Patrick Grinsell who wrote (13705)7/14/1999 5:30:00 AM
From: Patrick Grinsell  Read Replies (2) of 16960
 
List of the top 10 technological advances to be announced August 2nd that don't have anything to do with a new product!

10. A Netscape/Explorer plug-in enabling your browser to ignore all references to Tom Pabst.
9. 3d simulations of what Voodoo3 would look like IF it had 32 bit rendering.
8. The announcement of an automatic press release web-bot in beta. Unfortunately it always overshoots OEM deals by 1 or 2.
7. The announcement that 3dfx is suing NVIDIA for copyright infringement of the PR web-bot. 3dfx sites a similar bug that instead overstates hardware performance by 50%-100% as evidence.
6. The announcement that sometime within the next 20 years 3dfx may, or may not, have new technology relating to set tops, laptops, or hand held devices.
5. The announcement of a new enterprise financial system that automatically spends an extra 10 million dollars quarterly on advertising for each feature missing from their top-end product.
4. A new automated investor relations system that politely informs investors that what is going on inside the company is none of their damn business.
3. A new company-wide stock selling computer system. Each employee will have a bright red "EJECT" button placed on their desk that allows them to sell 100 shares of 3dfx for each press. Next to the "EJECT" button is, of course, the self-explanatory "REPRICE OPTIONS" button.
2. A new 3d screen saver that shows a two-headed monkey from all angles and dances to the song "Wild Thing".

And the #1 technological advance to be announced August 2nd that doesn't have anything to do with a new product....

The award of a patent to 3dfx for texture mapping and animating realistic bouncing bossoms. 3dfx is currently in licensing talks with Eidos for Tomb Raider 5.
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