Nasty Nathanc Escapes The Travail of Caring For Animals
A Vermont native, Nasty Nathanc, found himself in a
difficult position yesterday. While touring the Eagle's Rock
African Safari (Zoo) with a group of thespians from
St. Petersburg, Russia, Mr.Nasty went overboard to
show them one of America's many marvels. He
demonstrated the effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"... the hard
way.
Apparently, Mr. Nasty wanted to demonstrate just how
good the adhesive was, so he put about 3 ounces of the
adhesive in the palms of his hands, and jokingly placed
them on the buttocks of a passing rhino. The rhino, a
resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit
since its arrival as a baby. However, once it became
aware of its being involuntarily stuck to Mr. Nasty, it
began to panic and ran around the petting area wildly
making Mr. Nasty an unintended passenger.
"Sally [the rhino] hasn't been feeling well lately. She had
been very constipated. We had just given her a laxative
and some depressants to relax her bowels, when
Mr.Nasty played his juvenile prank," said Jam
Dougass, local derelict.
During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed
wall was gored, and a number of small animals escaped.
Also, during the stampede, three pygmy goats and one
duck were stomped to death. As for Nasty, it took a
team of medics and zoo caretakers' to remove his hands
from her buttocks. First, the animal had to be captured
and calmed down.
However, during this process the laxatives began to take
hold and Mr. Nasty was repeatedly showered with over
30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.
"It was tricky. We had to calm her down, while at the same
time shield our faces from being pelted with rhino dung.
I guess you could say that Mr. Nasty was into it up to
his neck. Once she was under control, we had three people
with shovels working to keep an air passage open for
Mr. Nasty. We were able to tranquilize her and apply a
solvent to remove his hands from her rear," said Dougass.
"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while."
Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also
were impressed with the power of the adhesive.
"I'm going to buy some for my children, but of course they
can't take it to the zoo," commented Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, leader
of the troupe of very red clowns. |
