This just in from CNN: Bill Clinton has asked Janet Reno for an independent counsel investigation into the Federal Reserve Board's role in the death of 12 people due to a distraught daytrader. Clinton reiterated, "I find it unthinkable that people can skirt the gun check laws by buying handguns at gun shows, and it is equally appalling that a pre-emptive 1/4 point rate hike by the Fed can cause the death of twelve innocent daytraders in Atlanta."
Meanwhile, Al Gore is amending his stance on the campaign trail, reassuring voters that, "while I am indeed the Father of the Internet, I had nothing to do with online trading. In fact, we have reason to believe that the advent of daytrading, as well as the recent steep decline in Amazon.com stock, are the direct result of a vast right-wing conspiracy."
Tomorrow, NY Senate candidate Hillary Clinton will be interviewed live at the NYSE by Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell, where she will introduce her new campaign platform: "Guns and ECNs Don't Mix." |
