Subject: Rules Guys Wish Girls Knew
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it
down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are
not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present once again.
5. If you ask a question you don't want an
answer to, expect an answer you don't want
to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.
Live with it.
7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation,
and carberators.
8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or
the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport.
10. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but
don't expect us to like it.
14. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't
work.
15. No, we don't know what day it is. We never
will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
16. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult
than peeing from point blank range. We're
bound to miss sometimes.
17. Most guys own two to three pairs of
shoes-what makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
would look good with your dress?
18. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable
answers.
19. A headache that lasts for 17 days is a
problem. See a doctor.
20. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best
friend.
21. Films starring Barbara Streisand are for
Girls Night Out.
22. Check your oil.
23. Don't give us rules.
24. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than
deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to
take the quiz together.
26. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. All comments
become null and void after 7 days.
28. If something we said can be interpreted
two ways, and one of the ways makes you
sad and angry, we meant the other one.
31. You can either ask us to do something OR
tell us how you want it done - not both.
32. Whenever possible, please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.
33. Christopher Columbus didn't need
directions, and neither do we.
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