As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace
is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man
in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with
an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken
General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat,
one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I
ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
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A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa
for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy
lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a
strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said,
Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde
looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror!
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THE PIRATE
___________________________
An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take
turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's
peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, "So, how did you
end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm off the
cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were
pullin' me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit
me leg off."
"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"
"Ahhhh...," mused the pirate, "we were boardin' a trader ship,
pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the
fracas me hand got chopped off."
"Zounds!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye
patch?"
"A seagull droppin' fell into me eye," answered the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked
incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was me first day with the hook."
I got a million of them..
C |
