Moreover, they include an unspecified product attribute (the Maytag general counsel was unwilling to expose the firm to the potential liabilities appertaining to such a claim): Sock Saver Plus -- which virtually eliminates the aforementioned "lost sock problem."
My Dear Duker,
Sorry to disappoint you, but as a proud holder of a degree in PHYSICS, I must explain a couple of things. It sounds like the shyster at Maytag not only has a grasp of corporate law, but of physical law as well, so it's good that he has them covering their a**.
What Maytag proposes is impossible, not because of any shortage of cleverness, ingenuity, or enterprise on the part of the engineers, but because of limitations inherent in the fundamental laws of matter and energy! In the April 1, 1999 Nature, it was reported that a black-hole researcher at Cambridge University in Massachusetts discovered a deep and satisfying theorem which proves this.
As a consequence of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, the Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen Paradox, and Murphy's Law, it is possible to show that a standard wool sock has a 1.618% chance of disappearing through a wormhole when subjected to the physical conditions created inside a standard washer and a 2.718% chance of disappearing in a standard dryer. The rotational motion coupled with the unique static generating characteristics of the sock create a highly localized negative electromagnetic monopole - or at least so it is seen locally.
The other (positive) pole actually exists in a parallel universe. When the flux between these poles becomes strong enough, the sock migrates to the other pole. EXTRA socks inexplicably appear in the washer on the other side - indeed, in this parallel universe, there are no sheep, so this is seen as both normal and necessary. What is unexplained in the other universe is the disappearance of large quantities of excellent Blue Cheese.
The reason this is never observed can be explained by a thought experiment known as the "Schrodinger's sock" experiment. When you open the washer or dryer it stops spinning, not because of any mechanical control, but because uncertainty dictates that it is impossible to observe the sock disappearing. This is the same phenomenon we cannot witness when the light goes out inside the refrigerator (it does, although we cannot observe it.) Note: no rotation is necessary in the refrigerator because photons are massless.
Maytag prides itself on the reliability of its washers and dryers, and with good reason. The Maytag repairman, as usual, lacks for a purpose where Maytag appliances and the "lost sock problem" are concerned, but not because of the superiority of the equipment. It is simply because the Maytag repaiirman is not a Quantum mechanic.
Warmest Regards,
Douglas Blair |
