My most Embarrassing Moment
I was the only non-Japanese at an exclusive Japanese business retreat in Furukawa. My boss, who was President of the American subsidiary of a billion dollar electronics company, had honored me through inclusion in a group of 6 senior executives he took to his favorite resort during one of our semiannual trips to the parent company. The retreat, which was built around a 1,000 year old natural hot springs, featured scalding baths, fabulous food, and exquisitely attired companion girls. As a 200 pound, 6 ft. tall white guy in a house yukata (a decorated cotton robe) and slippers (the mandatory attire), it was difficult to blend in, but I was determined to adhere to the Japanese etiquette I had been lectured on, and not disgrace my benefactor, company, or country.
At 8AM on the first morning, we had a brief and very fishy breakfast, and headed for the baths. My yukata, slippers, and dignity were stashed in a locker in exchange for a tiny white towel the size of a face cloth. I followed my team mates to the men's showers, where we squatted on the floor and poured cleansing water over ourselves from wooden buckets before entering the 100 person spa. The Japanese are obsessively polite, but it seemed to me as if 200 Asian eyeballs were focused on my private parts as I strode to the pool and tried to submerge my lower body as quickly as possible - no mean task when the water is 110 degrees. Greatly relieved at regaining some privacy, I realized that I still had the tiny white towel in my hand, and tried to figure out some way of keeping it dry. Finally, I just draped it on my head.
I knew something wasn't right when I heard tittering sounds spreading around the pool. My very reserved boss was doubled over laughing by the time I figured it out. To my horror, I saw a new party of businessmen arriving, and they were using those tiny white towels as modesty shields for their genitals!.
Later that night, my boss told me that I had proved what some highly prejudiced Japanese executives had long suspected - American businessmen were Dickheads. |
