John,
You're still batting .998, but the Mars Astronaut joke sucked compared with the original. IMO, anyway. ;-)
Ian.
It was:
NASA decides to send the first manned mission to Mars After months of training they pick the astronaut to do the
mission. The astronauts name was Dick. The night before take off he absolutely craps himself. He tells his wife that
he is so frightened that there is no way he is going on the mission. The wife calms him down and says to him, "Don't
worry Dick, I'll go in your place" Somehow she manages to sneak past the mission attendants without any one
realizing that "HE" is really a "SHE" and gets into the rocket. 30 seconds after take off
the rocket explodes and crashes into the sea. A rescue mission is sent out and miraculously they find the still alive but
unconscious body of the female astronaut.
Two days later she starts coming round in hospital and she can feel a pair of doctors hands pummeling away at her
tits.
"Dick, Dick where's my Dick", she cries.
The doctor says, "Never mind about your dick we are still trying to get your ass back in place".
+++++++++ and the original is +++++++++++++++++
Kowalski, 3rd string quarterback with the Packers, had spent the last 3 seasons doing nothing but warm the bench. One Saturday night he gets more than a little carried away at a party and is just so hung over that he can't get out of bed let alone make it to the stadium.
So he convinces his wife to suit up, go to the stadium and sit on the bench for him.
Well, wouldn't you know, both the 1st string and the second string quarterbacks get carried out on stretchers. In goes "Kowalski". Well the defense does it's normal job for the day, and Kowalski gets knocked unconscious.
When she comes to, she's naked in the dressing room with the team doctor massaging her breasts.
She asks, "What the hell are you doing?"
To which the doctor replies,
"Don't worry Kowalski, As soon as we get your balls back where they belong, your dick is bound to pop out." |
