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Pastimes : Jokes
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To: Karin who wrote (2413)9/8/1999 11:45:00 AM
From: aknahow  Read Replies (1) of 2733
 
From a friend of a friend. Thanks Vita.

.
What do you call a handcuffed man?............Trustworthy. What does it
mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
............You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Why do only 10%
of men make it to heaven?............Because if they all went, it would be
Hell.
Why do men like smart women?............Opposites attract. How are
husbands like lawn mowers?...........They're hard to get started, they emit
noxious odors, and half the time they don't work. How can you tell when a
man is well hung?............When you can just barely slip your finger in
between his neck and the noose. How do men define a "50/50"
relationship?............We cook-they eat; clean-they dirty; we iron-they
wrinkle.
How do men exercise on the beach?............By sucking in their stomachs
every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?............Make him wear
shoes.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?............He buys two
cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?............All he's concerned
with is legs, breasts and thighs.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?............ONE
.........He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve
around him.
What did God say after creating man?............I can do so much better
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?...........Any place
without a drive-up window.
What do you call a man with half a brain?............Gifted. What do you
do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?............Exchange
him.
What should you give a man who has everything?............A woman to show
him how to work it.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?....Telling you his real
name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?............Put the remote
control between his toe.
What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent
man?...........Big Foot's been spotted several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?............"My wife says..."
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?.....So men can understand them.
Why did God create man before woman?............Because you're always
supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece. Why do
female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?............To stop
the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?............To keep them from grazing.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?.......Because after 30
seconds they forget what happened.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?............Because
not one will stop and ask for directions.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?............When the crew
gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions. Why is
psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?..
..........When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
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