Ahh... it's midnight. I'm tired, loopy, on edge , and new to this board. What a perfect time to endure my baptism by fire. Here're my "objective" views of some typical policy debates from both sides.
ABORTION
C: That impoverished Hispanic woman without a high school education should have had enough control of her life not to get pregnant. She deserves to have the baby as a PUNISHMENT!
L: Teenagers have a constitutional right to have sex, get pregnant, and have an abortion, all without telling their parents. Privacy, y'know.
GUN CONTROL
C: Let's arm every man, woman, and child with a 9mm. We'll be safer that way. Look at Switzerland!
L: Let's confiscate all the 9mm's from every man, woman, and child. We'll be safer that way. Look at Canada!
HOMOSEXUALITY
C: Despite Jesus' philosophy of loving all God's creatures, we feel the Christian thing to do would be to ostracize gays.
L: Despite the Bible's clear stance against gays, especially in Paul's letters, we feel the Christian thing to do would be to promote homosexuality.
THE DEATH PENALTY
C: Fry the dirty bastards. Who cares if they got a fair trial?
L: Free the oppressed victims. Who cares if they shot at unarmed school children?
HEALTH CARE
C: Large indifferent corporations have my personal health in their best interests. Screw whoever can't afford 'em.
L: Large indifferent government bureaucracies have my personal health in their best interests. Screw whoever wants major surgery soon.
IMMIGRATION
C: Stop it now. What have immigrants ever done for America?
L: Open all borders now. What harm have immigrants ever inflicted upon America?
EDUCATION
C: Throw religious freedom out the door. We need the Ten Commandments in every classroom! And not those half-ass Talmud ones, either. We're talking full-on King James Version!
L: Throw values out the door. We need open-mindedness in every classroom!
MILITARY
C: Trust us, the budget surplus is better spent on weapons shipments to Iran and toilet seats than on decent social programs.
L: Trust us, the budget surplus is better spent on Americorps and fixing our highways than on defending our country.
Speaking of which...
THE BUDGET SURPLUS
C: Well, sure, tax cuts would overheat our economy and wreck all the progress of the last decade, but we figure the rich don't get enough breaks in our country.
L: Well, sure, Social Security is a disaster, but we would rather perpetuate a bad idea than come up with a new one.
TAXES
C: The rich are oppressed in America! What's up with a 35% tax bracket?
L: The rich have it easy in America! What's up with a 75% tax bracket in Sweden?
MY CONCLUSION:
Conservatives trust the rich to make all their decisions.
Liberals trust the government.
And neither group realizes that the fine line between the rich and the government is seriously blurred in America. |
