Things I've learned from the Movies
Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price
range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications
system of any invading alien society.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by
dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will
still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on
nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days
before their retirement.
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club
at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit
level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it
before long.
If staying in a haunted house, women will always investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter
Password Now.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn
the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts
so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know
all the steps.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they
are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each
other in English. |
