Life begins at 50..
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything
else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out...
You're getting old when you don't care where your
spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go
along.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun -- and fun a
lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are
five women to every man. Isn't that the darndest time
for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years when the girls at
the office start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get
tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both
ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that
I'm too old to enjoy.
Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion
that never ends. What could hell possibly be like?
Home videos of the same reunion?
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned
to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and
choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when you realize
that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need
to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow
older, it will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to
work its way through Congress.
You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you
find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker, and
you can't get it started.
You're getting old when you wake up with that
morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the
night before.
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news --
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember
anything.
You know you're getting old when you stop buying
green bananas because it's too risky of an investment.
Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I
spent all my money.
There are three signs of old age. The first is one's loss
of memory, the other two I forget. |
