JUMPER AND PETE M. MANAGE A MUTUAL FUND...
After several unsuccessful stints with a talk radio show, our two heroes find themselves managing a mutual fund... the Dipster(tm) Fund. Jumper, the head analyst, is on a bathroom break, so we will join the Manager, Pete M., as he is hard at work playing Windows Solitaire...
PETE M: Marcy!
MARCY: (as a voice on the speakerphone) Yes, Mr M?
PETE M: Do you know which menu lets you undo a move in Solitaire?
MARCY: I'll be right in, Mr. M.
The door opens and Marcy enters the office.
MARCY: I showed you how to do this yesterday, Mr. M. Eventually you are going to have to learn it for yourself.
PETE M: <g>
MARCY: Shouldn't you be making trading decisions or watching CNBC or something? Especially with the Ballmer thing that hit the newswire...
PETE M: What Ballmer thing?
MARCY: Don't you do anything besides play solitaire? Steve Ballmer stated a few minutes ago that most of the tech stocks were overvalued. <sigh> It's all over the news.
PETE M: Oh my God! Do you think he's right?
MARCY: I don't know, Mr. M... I'm only your secretary. Why don't you ask your head analyst?
PETE M: Right! That will be all, Marcy. (waves her away with a gesture)
PETE M: Wait.. Marcy. Who is Steve Ballmer?
MARCY: (sigh) He's the president of Microsoft.
PETE M: (blank stare)
MARCY: The big company that makes alot of software? You know.. MSFT?
PETE M: (blank stare)
MARCY: They make that sing-along Barney doll?
PETE M: Oh, yes... I know them! That will be all, Marcy. (waves her away again)
PETE M: (into the speakerphone) Jumper, can you get in here?
JUMPER: (walks into the room) What is it? I'm right in the middle of a solitaire game.
PETE M: Steve Ballmer says that stocks are overvalued. I think we may have to do something.
JUMPER: Oh my God! Do you think he's right?
PETE M: You're the head analyst! You are supposed to know things like this. Can't you tell by looking at the P/E ratios or something?
JUMPER: I've heard that you can find the P/E ratio somewhere on the Internet.
BOTH: Marcy!
MARCY: (walking in with a stack of papers) Here you go. This graph shows your P/E and P/B ratios. The red line shows a historical average, and the blue line shows todays values.
JUMPER: Holeee Sheeet! That looks big! Maybe this Ballmer guy is right. By the way, Pete, who is Steve Ballmer?
PETE M: He makes those sing-along Barney dolls.
JUMPER: Oh, right.
PETE M: So, what should we do?
JUMPER: Maybe we should sell?
PETE M: Yes, I've heard of that. Can we do it with our current software?
JUMPER: I think so.
PETE M: Then that is what we are going to do. For the first time in the history of the Dipster(tm) Fund, I want you to sell every stock that even looks like it might have the word "tech" in the name. Got it?
JUMPER: Alrighty. (leaves the room)
Pete smiles and leans back in his chair, lighting a cigarette
PETE M: That's why they pay me the big bucks.
Fade to Marcy's desk, where the voice of Pete comes in over the speaker phone.
PETE M: Marcy!
MARCY: Yes, Mr. M?
PETE M: Did you know that smoking can cause lung cancer?
MARCY: Yes, Mr M.
PETE M: Who is this Surgeon General guy? Get him on the phone immediately...
(to be continued) |
