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Strategies & Market Trends : Fatty's Donut Shop
KKD 21.000.0%Aug 4 5:00 PM EST
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To: Matt Brown who wrote (3668)9/24/1999 3:13:00 PM
From: CIMA  Read Replies (2) of 5041
 
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have inadvertently been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The Southern Edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads "WINDERS 98", with a background of Gen. Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

Please also note:
1. The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
2. My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
3. Dial-up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
4. Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
5. Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
6. Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic disc thangs"
7. Instead of an error message, a garbage bag and a roll of duct tape
pop up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTHERN EDITION:
1. OK: ats aw-right
2. Cancel: piss on it
3. Reset: try 'er agin
4. Yes: yep
5. No: nope
6. Find: hunt fer it
7. Go to: over yonder
8. Back: back yonder
9. Help: hep me out here
10. Stop: kwitit
11. Start: crank 'er up
12. Settings: sittins
13. Programs: stuff 'at duz stuff
14. Documents: stuff I dun did

Also note that SOUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or
punctuation marks.

PROGRAMS EXCLUSIVE TO WINDERS 98:
1. tiperiter: a word processing program
2. colerin book: a graphics program
3. cyferin mersheen: calculator
4. outhouse paper: notepad
5. juke-box: CD player
6. iner-net: Microsoft Explorer 4.0
7. pichers: a graphics viewer
8. irs: MS accounting software
9. irs2: MS accounting software with hidden files
10. tax records: generally an empty file
11. coon dawg: American Kennel Club records

You'll also recognize WINDERS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION as it comes preloaded with certain "Favorites" browsing the World-Wide Web:
1. Fish: Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
2. NRA: National Rifle Association
3. Shotgun: Remington Arms home page
4. Rifel: Winchester home page
5. Pisstul: Smith & Wesson home page
6. Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers by zip code
7. House: Mobile home repair services and movers by zip code
8. Cuzzins: Complete database of southern residents
9. Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code
10. Rasin: NASCAR racing schedule w/TV stations carrying races
11. Car 'n Truck Repair: Junk yards by zip code
12. Doc: Veterinarians by zip code

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SOUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all y'all,
Billy Bob Gates - Head Honcho
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