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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi
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To: JF Quinnelly who wrote (38893)9/29/1999 1:08:00 AM
From: jpmac  Read Replies (2) of 71178
 
The numbness is weird, isn't it? And that cradling your hand or arm in the other is how we recognize each other. It's what you do without necessarily realizing it, and those not in the know don't realize what you're doing. Sometimes I walk with my arm held crooked up and the hand dangling. That also relieves pressure. There are pictures of me as a youngster doing that. At the time people just thought me odd. Why does she dangle her arm?

The damage I have is not reversible, it is hopefully in a state I can maintain what I have, though. It takes work. I exercise my hand every day, squeezing it and now doing finger flexibilty exercises. I like honest docs, and the back doc I had in Alabama who first worked with me told me straight when I asked her "if I do these exercise every day will I get the muscle back?" "maybe when you're sixty". I don't care for some illusions. I prefer the knowledge that something is lost but I have to something to work to keep. Anything else is gravy.

It's weird finally realizing all this. But I do have to get over this "street kid" mentality where I believe I just have to survive and take it and make the best of it. I really don't understand being able to "get help", to "fix something". That's very foreign to me. Survival I understand. How can I understand a life with surgery that relieves me from pain when eating three squares a day and having warm clothes in winter strikes me as odd?
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