So you think YOU have problems?
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am
going to make it rain until the whole world is covered
with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But,
I want to save a few good people and two of every
living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build
an ark."
And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the
specifications for the ark.
"OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with
the blueprints, "I'm your man."
Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the
rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down
and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there
was no ark.
"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A
lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside
Noah.
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best,
but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a
building permit for the ark's construction, but Your
plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an
engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long
argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler
system.
"My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating
zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard,
so I had to get a variance from the city planning
board.
"Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the
ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save
the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife
Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but
they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls.
"Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued
by an animal rights group that objected to me taking
along only two of each kind.
"Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me
that I couldn't complete the ark without filling out an
environmental impact statement on Your 'proposed'
flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they
had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being.
"Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the
proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe.
"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint
with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many
minorities I'm supposed to hire. "The IRS has seized
all my assets, claiming that I am trying to leave the
country, and I just got a notice from the state that I
owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can
finish the ark in less than five years."
With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and
a rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going
to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government already has." |
