One of my co-workers came home from "Wildlife Safari" with vivid descriptions of an ostrich, pounding divits machine gun style, in the hood of a new Lincoln.
These Safari guys must get kickbacks from body shops or something. "Oh! Look at this hood, Gary! Looks like Bertie's work."
"It's the new training program, I tell you what."
I once saw a bear climb in the back of a roadside camper whose door was open. Don't know if anyone was in there eating lunch, or not. And to tell the truth, I just kept driving, because I didn't want to see any evidence. Not my problem, you know? I really do have my own set of problems. Most of them firmly entrenched by now. If you get out of your car to watch bears and leave the camper door open, that's YOUR problem. YOU will be the remedy. You, you, yooters; Buster. I am a tourist.
Did I mention there was a bellowing cub about fifty feet up the pine tree next to the truck?
I also had a bear walk over my sleeping bag.
While I was in it.
He woke me up.
My parents were sleeping in the van, and I jumped in there. Rrright goddam now. My dad growls, "You're not getting in here. You know you don't sleep in here."
I said, "___k you."
He was a very scary guy, but, you know, less than the bear.
I've learned to say that a lot more.
I think I used to be more patient and polite. But it really takes too long. |
