You know you are a conservative if you believe....
Because the media doesn't only report good stuff about conservatives, it is radically liberal.
People feel more comfortable knowing they are in the secure and
caring hands of a gigantic profit-driven HMO.
Because Colin Powell's views on race, abortion, and other social
problems are in line with most Americans, he is a radical leftist who
must not be allowed into the Republican party.
Smoking tobacco cigarettes is a harmless choice that adults should
make for themselves without government involvement, but smoking
marijuana cigarettes is a national crisis for which the government
ought to imprison anyone caught doing so.
It is patriotic to renounce one's citizenship to avoid paying taxes, and anyone who doesn't think so is a socialist.
Any woman who wants equal pay, control over her own body or thinks
for herself is a wacko feminist.
The Budget Deficit is the bigget problem facing America now, and the
best way to get rid of it is to lower taxes so that the government takes in less money
The most persecuted group of people in all history are white,
Christian males and it is about time they started to fight back against their oppressors
Vince Foster was personally murdered by Hillary Clinton because he
knew too much about Whitewater, which is the biggest scandal in all of
American History.
Because of the fact that David Koresh set his own home on fire, we
live in a socialist police state.
Your AK-47 is the only thing keeping a tyrannical government from
imprisoning millions of your fellow citizens in secret concentration camps
Forcing a rape victim to give birth to her rapist's child is a way to support good family values
All problems in America today can be directly traced to a 1962
Supreme Court decision to bar coerced state-sponsored prayer in
public schools.
Ronald Reagan is single-handedly responsible for ending the Cold War.
Sex corrupts children's minds, but violence does not, as long as it is
committed by Republican movie stars such as Arnold Schwartzeneggar and Bruce Willis.
A right wing dictator is better than a left wing dictator.
Big Companies create jobs. Without their benevolence, nobody would
be able to work.
A good way to promote world peace is to withdraw from the U.N.,
dissolve GATT and NAFTA, and ban all immigration.
Peter Jennings, making several million dollars a year, responsible to his upper management and heard by millions is a member of the Elite Liberal Media.
Rush Limbaugh, making several million dollars a year, responsible to no higher authority, and heard by millions is A Man of the People.
Giving aid to the poor is bad for them, but giving aid to business is good for the economy.
Government regulations protecting clean drinking water and edible
meat are Socialism and Interference in the Free Market, but subsidized
mining, grazing, logging, and defense work is just Good Government.
Part of Getting Big Government Off Our Backs includes allowing said government to monitor all our electronic traffic on the Internet.
Because a tiny portion of the money the National Endowment for the
Arts gave out went to "obscene" artists, the best solution is to just
disband the whole thing.
Paying employees more money hurts the economy
Paying CEO's more money is good for the economy.
Because America ranks very low among other countries in education,
the best solution is to weaken the public schools.
Commerical television is responsible for attacking morality and
pandering to the base emotions, therefore, we must eliminate the only
alternative, PBS.
Family planning, which cuts down on the number of unwanted pregnancies without abortion, must be eliminated so that there will be less abortions.
It is good for the economy when major corporations fire large chunks of their work force.
Pat Buchanan, millionaire, media star, Mercedes owner, is a populist
who understands what the common man wants.
The best qualification for being President is to have never held any
office, to hate Washington, and to be really rich.
The United States should stay out of Bosnia because we are not the
world policeman and Bosnia doesn't have any oil.
This would be a safer place to live if more citizens had more guns.
Shutting down the Federal Government and paying government employees not to work is helping to balance the budget.
Spending nearly $30 millions of dollars on the Whitewater Independent Counsel is good for America because of the Conservative partisan activities and biases of Kenneth Starr.
Newt Gingrich in 1994 was a great leader beacuse he refused to compromise with the liberals.
Newt Gingrich in 1997 is a poor leader because he hints he might compromise with the liberals.
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