As I wandered through the den to check CNBC this afternoon, there was Martha Stewart on the food channel and she was making a cake, (perhaps a celebratory cake for her IPO)
There was a little girl on a stool next to Martha, one of those prissy cute little blonde girls that we all hated in kindergarten- the one who always got to play Mary in the church Christmas pageant. Martha probably cloned her from her own DNA this morning between making the coffee cake and roofing the house.
Martha said, "And what did we put special in your cake?" ANd the little bot said,
"BARBIE!!!"
Then the camera panned down to the counter and there, sticking out of this huge grotesque mass of pink gooey frosting that resembled an anaemic miscarriage, was a Barbie Doll, her arms uplifted. You could almost hear her pleading,
Help me! Help me! This woman is insane! She's baked me in a cake!
If she'd been topless, she could have been the stripper at Ken's bachelor party, leaping out of a cardboard cake and surprising the hell out of him. Now THAT would have been a much cuter idea.
You know, if I were a five year old birthday girl and my mother came into a darkened room carrying that thing, surrounded by lit candles like a sacrificial virgin on a used altar, I'd have started screaming and probably needed therapy for years. |
