I'll do you one better... at least maybe
My fellow Americans. I address you tonight, several weeks before Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan is set to raise interest rates by a full percentage point in order to curb the growth of the American Stock Market. Once a rational man, Alan has lost a grip on reality because he is the only person in America that lost money on his investments during my tenure in office. Alan is just hell-bent on making the market go down so that all of us happy-go-lucky spending Americans stop spending. As he sees it, there just aren't enough people in America willing to work anymore since many became millionaires by investing in Microsoft, intel, cisco and dell. so, if productivity can't make up for the shortage of Americans wiling to work, then he is just going to lower demand.
so, here is my solution. over the next two weeks, i am asking all of you still-working millionaires to take a leave of absense from your jobs and file unemployment claims. As Ronald Reagan said it in the 80's: "we are going to try to raise unemployemnt in this country and I think we will be successful in doing it." I will ask my Republican and democratic colleagues to lay off half of their staff. That's good for at least 50,000 new unemployment claims. I'd layoff part of my staff but so many have quit, I feel I have done my part already. Last, I would ask you self-made millionares to stop spending money for a month. We need to get a dip in retail sales. Now, don't put that money in the stock market. If the market goes up, all of this will be for not.
to do my part, i will ask my wife to stop making those spending spree trips to new york three times a week.
just some light-hearted humor. I figure we are good in the market untl Thursday when Alan speaks, yet again. I long for the days when the fed was a secretive governmental agency that only spoke when it had something relevant to say. |
