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Pastimes : ISOMAN AND HIS CAVE OF SOLITUDE

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To: J T who wrote (303)10/24/1999 9:05:00 PM
From: J T   of 539
 
Found this thought you might like it.

Dear Consumers:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South.

If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen.

It reads:

WINDERS 98, with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

Also note: The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"

My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"

Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"

Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard"

Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"

Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"

Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape"pops up

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTHERN EDITION:

OK . . . . . . . . . . ats aw-right

Cancel . . . . . . . stopdat

Reset . . . . . . . . try er agin

Yes . . . . . . . . . yep

No . . . . . . . . . . noop

Find . . . . . . . . . hunt fer it

Go to. . . . . . . . over yonder

Back . . . . . . . . back yonder

Help . . . . . . . . hep me out here

Stop . . . . . . . . kwitit

Start . . . . . . . . crank er up

Settings . . . . . . settins

Programs . . . . . stuff at duz stuff

Documents . . . stuff ah done did

Also note that SOUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:

tiperiter . . . . . . . . a word processing program

colerin book . . . . . a graphics program

cyferin mersheen . calculator

outhouse paper . . notepad

jupe-box . . . . . . . CD Player

iner-net . . . . . . . . Microsoft Explorer 4.0

pichers . . . . . . . . . a graphics viewer

revenuer . . . . . . . . MS accounting software

sneaky revenuer . . Acct'g software with hidden files

tax records . . . . . . usually an empty file

coon dog . . . . . . . American kennel club records

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SOUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

I hope this helps all y'all!

Billy Bob Gates
Head Honcho
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