***NEWS ALERT*** DeGuzman Mystery Solved!
Sunday, April 13,1997
Reliable Sources Publishing
Ottowa, Canada
JAKARTA (Royters)- It was revealed today that the body earlier identified as being that of Mr. Mike de Guzman, chief geologist for the beleaguered Canadian mining company, Bre-X, was in fact the body of a Mr. Ike de Goosman, a Canadian newsletter writer.
Mr. de Goosman was in Jakarta doing "due diligence" for his subscribers and was on his way back from the Busang site when, a reliable source tells us, there was an altercation on board the Indonesian military helicopter. The altercation arose when Mr. de Goosman made the comment, "Have you ever seen so much gold!?" to two other newsletter writers and a government official who were participating in the on-site inspection. Later details are sketchy, but our informed source tells us that Mr. de Goosman never returned from a visit to the aircraft's toilet.
His disappearance wasn't discovered until later that evening, when one of his four wives came into the local "Bar de la Presse", asking if anyone had seen him. She later told us, sobbing, "I jus' wann-ed to know when he wann-ed dinner. It was gettin' cold."
When asked why they could have so positively identified the body as that of the geologist, Mr. deGuzman, two of his four wives stated, "They just asked us if this was Ike de Goosman, and we said 'Yeah'. He used to come into the bar a lot. I dunno. Guess we din't unnerstan' their accent."
A local police official we talked to told us, "Hey, they just told us to go out there and recover a body. How could we know it was the wrong one. It was an honest mistake that could happen to anyone - especially during Falling Body Season." He went on to tell us that they would probably have to make another trip but, in his expert opinion, that after a corpse has been exposed so long in the jungle, "Lotsa luck."
The two newletter writers and the government official who were on board with Mr. de Goosman at the time were unavailable for comment, but a local investment expert, who wished not to be identified, told us, "There is a lot of support out here for Bre-X - I see definite support at at C$0.50."
Reliable Sources Publishing - "Everything That Fits, We Print."
Copyright C 1997
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