Signs You're No Longer A Kid...
1. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
5. You are proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your best friend is dating someone half their age... and it isn't breaking
any laws.
7. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
8. You sing along with the elevator music.
9. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
10. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
11. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
12. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
13. You make an appointment to see the dentist.
14. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
15. Neighbors borrow your tools.
16. People call at 9 o'clock in the evening and ask, "Did I wake you?"
17 You have a dream about prunes.
18. You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
19. You send money to PBS.
20. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
21. You take a metal detector to the beach.
22. You wear black socks with sandals.
23. You know what the word "equity" means.
24. You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
television.
25. Your ears are hairier than your head.
26. You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
27. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
28. You get cable television for the Weather Channel.
29. You can go bowling without drinking.
30. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it
A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled "Up Nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat.
After a home run he yelled, "Cheer Nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheering. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer & a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled "PEANUTS!" |
