ARE NORTHERNERS "BLUE-NECKS"?
By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF:
1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
4. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
5. You don't know what a moon pie is.
6. You've never had an RC cola.
7. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.
8. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
9. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
10. You have no idea what a polecat is. (or a tow sack. . . .or a bar ditch)
11. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
12. You don't have bangs.
13. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
14. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.
15. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
16. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
17. You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
18. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife
show.
19. You think more money should go to important scientific research at your
university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
20. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
21. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.
22. You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
23. The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
24. You call binoculars opera glasses.
25. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
26. You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
27. You don't know what applique is.
28. You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob,
Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice, et
al).
29. You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
30. You've never been to a craft show.
31. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
32. You can do your laundry without quarters.
33. None of your fur coats are homemade.
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4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
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6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
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16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
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18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
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32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Under-sheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children when Baking Cookies
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