I don't know if this guy's recommendations are tongue in cheek or not, but I sure liked one of them....
This Junkie Knows Best
Satire
November 15, 1999
OK, I admit it: I'm a total stock junkie. I wake up every weekday morning before 6:30 a.m. so I can turn on CNBC and watch the opening of the market. I subscribe to TheStreet.com, follow CBS MarketWatch, track my portfolio on Quote.com, keep an account at Schwab online and avidly read UpsideToday's "Dawn Patrol."
ated coverage of nine stocks.
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Over the past 20 years or so, I've had a few big wins and plenty of losses--this experience, combined with my career as a technology publishing executive (someone who actually knows the people and companies in this business) qualifies me as a real expert. I've learned the old-fashioned way!
It amazes me how various bonehead analysts rank stocks, and how their bonehead rankings and their bonehead comments in research reports can influence stock prices. Dan Niles of BancBoston Robertson Stephens refers to Intel saying, "It is too early to forecast unit demand for the fourth quarter given the movement in the third quarter," and the damn stock drops 3 percent. In terms of market cap, this is a loss of $7 billion. That's not enough to give Bill Gates heartburn, but it makes my blood boil.
I dare say I know a hell of a lot more about technology stocks than a whole dog pile of investment analysts. Therefore, I've declared myself Upside's analyst and have initiated coverage of nine stocks. Each one will be ranked, and I'll send out press releases as I change the ranking over time. My goal is to influence stocks, and if I'm really good at it, I'll join ranks with Alan Greenspan and Steve Ballmer. Here goes:
America Online (AOL) Near term: speculate. Long term: Don't buy for your grandkid's trust fund. Often mentioned as a "leading Internet brand" by dim-witted commentators on the financial TV programs, the company is vulnerable because over half of its revenue comes from online fees. As ISPs continue to move towards the free access model, AOL will have difficulty weaning itself from this revenue. Also, as AOL users become more sophisticated, they tend to get sick of the lame interface.
Apple (AAPL) Invest cautiously. Their iCEO only has one measly share of stock and only pays himself one measly dollar a year in salary. I'd be cautious about buying stock from a company in which the CEO has no monetary incentives. Steve may wake up one day and decide his ego is already big enough.
Excite@Home (ATHM) Hold your nose! This one stinks. The only hope for existing shareholders is acquisition.
Cisco (CSCO) Accumulate but don't be a sucker. No one knows how to do acquisitions like Cisco. As they accumulate new companies, you should be accumulating their stock. When they stop accumulating, you should start selling.
Compaq (CPQ) Sell, sell, sell! Compaq sucks big time.
E-Trade (EGRP) Mortgage your home! This stock is undervalued, as are many of the financial stocks. E-Trade with Chris Cotsakos at the helm is in a position to gain the most. It is the Schwab of tomorrow. It will go up, up, up!
Motorola (MOT) Dump it now! Motorola is a fantastic company that likes to shoot itself in the foot so it can make another comeback. They've been on a ride lately, so I would expect them to start shooting soon.
Microsoft (MSFT) Cry your heart out. If you're like me and have missed out buying this stock so many times over the past 10 years that you just can't stand to think about it, then don't buy it now. We all need something to cry about.
Yahoo (YHOO) Trade all day long! Sell when it goes up $5; buy when it goes down $5. This will keep you busy for a long time.
Dear readers, I hope you are looking forward to my press releases and future rankings. If you follow my advice, you might get filthy rich!
David Bunnell is editor and CEO of UPSIDE. |
