Look what I found on another board. Ah, eer, I mean someone else found it on another board.
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Fikeru Man Chu- The Art of Selfdefenselessness
Fikeru Man Chu is an ancient form of the partial sartres, which are centered around the ancient Whineese religion of the Tao Te Cheese. Those who practice Tao Te Cheese are known as "partial sartrists", (for their ability to take parts of the philosophy of the existentialist Sartre and twist them in completely the wrong direction). Tao Te Cheese is a religion that Existentialism and other philosophies to a realm of confusion and pointlessness. The goal of the partial sartrist is to take philosophy to its most illogical level, and then transcend the illogical to become the essence of irrationality. Most partial sartrist begin their exploits into Tao Te Cheese by memorizing cheesey and totally uninspirational verses. I will only list a few so as not to stupify anyone:
"I think, therefore, I am better than you."
"The reality of this gun is that it should not exist."
"Everything is subjective. Therefore, I am right."
"The being of your rights is the totality of the sum of what I think you should be able to do."
"1 + 1 sometimes equals 3, therefore, numbers can mean whatever I want them to."
"Only sentient beings have an essence. Therefore, there is essentially no freedom, for it does not think."
Once a partial sartrist has mastered this method of irrational thought, he is prepared to begin learning the techniques of Fikeru Man Chu.
The most basic technique of Fikeru Man Chu is the ability to present an illogical viewpoint as if it were rational. Although this is the most basic maneuver, it is possibly the most effectively deceptive. As you will see, when a partial sartrist moves up through the ranks of Fikeru Man Chu, his new abilities further disclose his nature and area of study. Resultantly, an opponent will be apt to confront him with his caprice.
A more advanced partial sartrist is able to defend his arguments with solid circular logic. However this usually leads to the agittation of and confrontation with his peers. Another interesting of the partial sartrist is his endurance to to take a hard lick and continue ranting as if he had never been struck. This tactic alone can shock or stupify an opponent enough to end the confrontation. However, this is not always the case; and a stronger level of abilities are required.
A more advanced methodology of this selfdefenselessness is a process of throwing numerous punches in the wrong direction, while claiming that they all brilliantly and tactfully hit right on target. An adept in Fikeru Man Chu can even go so far as to blatantly deny that he was ever struck and posit that in all actuality it was his opponent who was being struck. Amazingly, some have been beaten within inches of their lives by numerous opponents at once and have still managed to brag about how badly they were beating their enemies. Unfortunately, many winning opponents of the partial sartrist will give up at this point, feeling disheartened that their blows are seemingly having no effect. However, a determined opponent will continue to throw opponents in hopes of acheiving a victory.
It is here that only a master of Fikeru Man Chu will persevere. The master of Fikeru Man Chu will always be known by the "Mockafikeru" technique. "Mockafikeru" is derived from a word in an ancient Tupacian language, "Makavelli." "Makavelli" means to fake one's own death in order to deceive one's enemies. Some will notice that the current word retains very little of the spelling of its predecessor. This is ok, for it contains very little of its ancestor's meaning as well. Mockafikeru is a specialized technique in which the partial sartrist fakes his own death threats and dissappearance in order to receive sympathy form his enemies and draw attention from his broken bones. Usually, only those with malignant enough tendencies will continue to attack a partial sartrist at this point.
If you encounter a partial sartrist, he is not to be taken seriously. He should be laughed at incessantly. People who have taken Fikeru Man Chu seriously have resultantly lost up to 20 or 30 points of IQ. These same people have went thenceforward to spread the lies and disillusionment with reality that is Fikeru Man Chu. |
