Business Wire Falls for April Fools Prank, Sues FBNers Message Board

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Pastimes : Business Wire Falls for April Fools Prank, Sues FBNers

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To: EL KABONG!!! who wrote (3657)	12/14/1999 11:41:00 PM
From: Arcane Lore	Read Replies (3) of 3795

<off topic> Kerry: I share your sense of wonder and awe at the astonishing DD of some of the Raging Bull posters. One of their friends was kind enough to share the next great revelation about Janice (to be presented once we've had time to absorb the full story of the great CPS conspiracy): We have at long last discovered the true identity of "Janice Shell"! This is the real deal - This isn't like the claim that she was Jeffrey Mitchell and this isn't like the claim that she was a California civil servant and this isn't like the claim that she was several people living in a Texas trailer park and this isn't like the claim that she was a broker in Georgia ... The real truth: Janice isn't a human being at all - "she" is a artificial intelligence computer program which has been designed to learn from past basher posts to produce new and devastating shareshaker posts designed to destroy superb companies. Specifically "she" is an implementation of a case based decision support system programmed by Ansgar Woltering. The name of the program is the Janus Shell (Did they really think this minor spelling variation would fool us???). Here is the Janus Shell web page: sysedv.cs.tu-berlin.de Case based decision support systems learn/extrapolate from past history: "Case Based Decision Support utilises existing data to generate self-sustaining decision support systems. It extracts decision trees from existing data and allows you to match current problems with previous solutions." websell.imsgrp.net Case based techniques have been used to predict the outcome of assisted reproductive technologies (ART) for overcoming infertility: canarie.ca Given these facts the reasons for the choice of art historian as Janus Shell's cover occupation should be crystal clear. Given that "she" is a computer program and could theoretically post 24x7, "her" actual choice of posting hours was clearly chosen to cause maximum consternation and confusion among the loyal followers of this stock. The Janus Shell program should be reported to the authorities at once. Tell them this computer program is the tool of naked Canadian short selling basher boiler room penny stock hoodlums. They will undoubtedly spring into action at once to end this threat to civilization as we know it. Needless to say, our DD demonstrating that Janice/Janus is a computer program proves that our favorite company is destined for NASDAQ membership, the short squeeze of the century and a $100 stock price real soon now. Disclaimer: The above is a work of fiction (other than the computer programming references) intended for satirical purposes. I know almost everyone will realize this, however, I still recall the time a reader of one of cOUSIN sHORTY's columns came to the conclusion he was a penny stock tout.

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