Good morning, CGB,
I had unbookmarked again after the last couple of days, except for reading the occasional poster, so I'm glad you wrote me.
You know (I think) that I personally don't believe in spanking, but I don't equate an attention getting pat on the diaper as spanking and my inclusion of the word diaper tells you that this is not something we used beyond the age of two. And we didn't use it at all that I remember with Ammo, who was a much more sensitive child than CW. Also by then, I had decided that it was a response arising from my own frustration or anger with CW rather than a well-thought out attempt to change behavior. Too often the physical is a lazier response, because discussion, preparation, the setting out of boundaries and the consequences of violating the rules call for a great deal of work on the part of a parent. ANd carrying out the prepared discipline is also a lot of work! I think it was Neo? who sent us to a study on brain development in teens a few months back, that showed they are not nearly as far along in the ability to see consequences as we tend to think. Delayed gratification is not a familiar concept to most of them! I still believe that taking a teen to the woodshed may make him seemingly better behaved, but only reflects his accepting that the stronger person rules. I don't know if there is a real connection being made between the beating and the specific behavior and why it was unacceptable. There are so many stories about how a son eventually stands up to his father and refuses to be beaten anymore- it's almost a rite of passage in literary works.
What I was trying to say in my post, though, was that making definitive black-white statements ends discussion and places holders of other opinions on the defensive. For instance- when you say that spanking will eventually be seen as belonging to the Dark Ages, you may be right but it sets up an immediate defensive response and implies that there is no room for discussion.
I am opposed to government intervention. Just as I do not believe in abortion in a perfect world, and do not think I ever would have aborted, I still refuse to demand others believe as I do. If minds and behavior are to be changed, it can only be by education and the gradual shifting of what is considered appropriate and effective. As you said, a trend.
It seems that people here are much more interested in demeaning studies cited or the person posting opposing opinions than in seriously, thoughtfully discussing the issue. That is what has changed here from the old days! I think it's a scary place to offer an opinion now. |
