To All: I raided another e-mail, but some of you may know who this is so I will disguise the name again.
Dear L**
Santa doesn't handle war, world hunger and things of that nature. Santa just handles giving out gifts to little boys and girls depending on whether they have been naughty or nice. Since you wrote, Santa decided to check his Naughty and Nice list on you. We seem to lack entries on the nice list, in fact the only one is when you got Druss to drink that kerosene you told him was moonshine. The only reason you got that one entered is Santa has a bit of a problem with Mr. Druss too.
On the Naughty list though there are quite a few things though. To be brief let's just look at the things that have to do with Santa shall we?
Volume 2 Age 5, You picked Santas pocket, Santa lost $50 and his Playboy Club Card.
Volume 5 Age 6, You put glue in Santas beard.
Volume 9 Age 7, You dropped the snake into Santas boot.
Volume 16 Age 8, You dropped a scorpion into Santas boot.
Volume 23 Age 9, You wanted to show your friends that Santa was wearing a fake beard so you yanked on it really, really hard. It wasn't fake.
Volume 35 Age 10, You returned the coal Santa had given you the Christmas before, yelling "Here is your black rock back fat boy!" Santa got ten stitches over his right eye. Do you remember, that is when the rotten taters started being put in your stocking instead of coal?
Volume 48 Age 11, You set the rat trap with the very jagged jaws in your Christmas stocking.
Volume 79 Age 14, You stole your Dad's deer rifle and put bullets into Dancer, Comet, and Rudolph.
Volume 98 Age 16, You brought your nephew Jimmy to see Santa and told him to wee wee in Santas lap. While Santa was changing you and Susan, one of Santas helper elves, did some no nos in the room with the gifts for the good little boys and girls. You should have closed the door. There were some things Santa was not prepared to explain to good little boys and girls who were waiting in line.
Volume 132 Age 19, You left brownies and milk out for Santa on Christmas eve. Santa doesn't know what you put in those brownies. What Santa knows is the deliveries for Arkansas, Alabama, and most of Texas were pretty random that year.
Volume 310, You left a very friendly young lady to see Santa on Christmas eve. Santa had to get penicillin shots for six months for that one.
Volume 462 Age 34, You sent that virus into Santas new computer system. Deliveries for the East Coast were random that year.
Then there is this year: Message 12375098
Your Sincerely
Santa |
