Seasonally adjusted and politically correct greetings.
Found this on the comp.software-year-2000 newsgroup. Expresses my sentiments exactly.
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WHEREAS, I implore you to accept, with no express or implied obligation, my
best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible,
low-stress, non-alcoholic, gender-neutral, fragrance-free,
politically-correct celebration of the winter solstice holiday, as practiced
within the most joyful traditions of the religious belief or secular
practice of your choice and with due respect for the religious / secular
persuasions of others ... or their choice not to practice any religious or
secular traditions whatsoever.
AND,
a personally fulfilling, medically uncomplicated, and fiscally successful
recognition of the onset of the generally-accepted Gregorian calendar year
2000, but with due respect reserved for calendars-of-choice of other
cultures whose contributions to society have helped to make America great,
and without specific regard to the race, creed, skin color, age, gender,
ability, religion, or sexual preference of either the wishee (you) or the
wisher (me).
For those who may otherwise be offended by my Americenticity, please be
advised that this shall not be construed in any way to mean that America is
necessarily greater than any other nation or culture on planet Earth, nor
that it is the only "America" in the western hemisphere for that matter,
only that it is differently-abled.
HOWEVER, by acknowledging this humble generic greeting, it shall indicate
that the wishee (you) is accepting of the terms and conditions that follow.
To wit; this greeting is freely transferable to any third party without
penalty, provided that no substantive alteration of the original message has
been made. It shall imply no promise by the wisher to implement any of the
wishes for himself/herself or to otherwise obligate the third party. This
greeting is subject to further clarification, and may be withdrawn without
further notice.
The wisher shall be held harmless for any special, incidental, indirect,
consequential, punitive, or similar damages, including, but not limited to,
loss of "goodwill". "earthly peace", or any other loss resulting from the
use, misuse, or abuse of the wish. Furthermore, the wisher and the wisher's
heirs and assigns shall not be held liable for any claims in an action of
contract, tort, negligence, or performance; whether or not the wisher has
been advised of the possibility of any such damages.
This seasonal wish is warranted to be free from all defects and to perform
as expected within the proper application of "good tidings" for a period of
one (1) year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting (e.g.,
Happy Easter), whichever may come first. This conditional warranty is
limited only to replacement of the wish with a new wish of equal or greater
value, at the discretion of the wisher.
Some wishes may be subject to revocation at the pleasure of the wisher
throughout the warranty period, in the event that the wishee exchanges a bad
faith wish with the wisher. Substantial alterations of the original message
may be considered a breach of the terms and conditions of this warranty and
may result in severe criminal penalties including those codified in Title 17
of the U.S. Code.
I reserve all rights not expressly granted herein. Void where prohibited by
law.
(Note that I have always interpreted that last clause as meaning "urinate in
public".)
Happy Hanukkah, Christmas, Ramadan, Kwanzaa, other (pick one)
. have a Happy New Year and a Minimally-disruptive "Pretendium"!
Nevertheless, the Third Millennium of the Common Era does not begin until
January 1, 2001
Stay warm,
D. Scott Secor
Millennial Infarction Mitigator
Year 2000 Institute y2k.board.org -- for those last minute Y2k
facts, statistics, preparations, and software patches Please notice that at
no time did I ever parse the verb "is" or exercise any particular legal
privilege.
¸ 1998-2000 - D. Scott Secor & Bon Bahn Communications - All Rights Reserved
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Final disclaimer: this is the result of years of assisting too many lawyers
in crafting responsibility-free, blame-deflecting Y2k "disclosures", sundry
SEC filings, and public statements of compliancy. It is strictly
coincidental (like hell) that this posting so closely resembles my generic
greeting of last year -- that and I am far too busy (and tired) to be
creative.
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