Tom, On The Advice of My Attorney,
I have been advised to restate my holiday greetings
to as follows:
Please accept with no obligation, expressed or implied,
my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially
responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral
celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced
within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your
choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions
and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect
for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose
contributions to society have helped make America great
(not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any
other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere)
and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical ability,
religious faith or sexual preferences of the wishee.
*By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is
freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.
It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of
the wishes for herself/himself or others, is void where prohibited
by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual
applications of good tiding for a period of one year or until
the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes
first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish at
the sole discretion of the wisher.
~~~~~~~THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS~~~~~~~~
'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin' - even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I turned from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
Then what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
I knew right away it was our "U.S. POSTMAN."
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
As quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, still they came;
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's, Target's, DeBeers.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway--chargeaway--chargeaway all!"
He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT........YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"
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