Translation from PR to English:
<<The restructuring is expected to streamline Value America's operations>>
Things are so bad we're laying off half the work force right away. The other half will follow in a few weeks.
<<We are building on Value America's proven strengths and are discarding what doesn't perform,'said Glenda Dorchak, CEO.>>
We blew it. Nothing is working.
<<Value America also announced that its revenue expectations for the 1999 fourth quarter would be approximately 6% to 9% below consensus estimates due to product fulfillment delays and system transition issues that occurred during the implementation of its new IT infrastructure.>>
We couldn't even get products out the door to the handful of morons dumb enough to order from us.
<<Because of expense management measures implemented during the quarter, the company is on track to beat EPS estimates.>>
We're trying to buy time so insiders can sell their stock options before they're good for nothing except blowing noses.
<<However, the one-time restructuring charge of approximately $5.6 million is expected to cause the
company to miss consensus EPS estimates for the quarter.>>
Even after cutting everything to the bone and laying off everyone, we will fall short of what the most pessimistic analyst has been forecasting.
<<The company's gross margin percentage is expected to exceed analysts' estimates.>>
Gross margins fell short by every usual measure but when measured against a ratio of ... um, ah, well, let's see... when measured against the ratio of gross numbers of red things we sold against, ah, um, the gross numbers of green things we sold, without regard to whether we were able to actually deliver them, we beat all estimates hands down.
Alternate translation: Everything we tried to sell was overpriced.
<<"This move gives us focus, leverage and edge," said Dorchak.>>
One look at our books is enough to pucker your ass.
<<``We also realize our customers are our company. Our business must be designed around customer service and
operational efficiency.'>>
Bond holders and creditors have us by the short hairs.
<<As part of the restructuring and refocused strategy, Value America will eliminate all non-productive product categories and non-core business activities.>>
We're going out of business, people.
<<The company will concentrate on categories in which the mix of product selection, product fulfillment, customer service, and gross margins are strongest.>>
There must be something we can do right but we haven't figured it out yet.
<<As such, its near-term product focus will be in consumer and business PC's and peripherals, computer software, consumer electronics and office supplies.>>
First, we have to unload all this unsold, obsolete computer crap we have lying around.
<<Value America also announced that while it will continue to operate in the consumer market, it also expects to significantly increase its efforts in the business and government markets.>>
Those customers who "are" our company? To tell you the truth, there weren't enough of them. So now we're hunting for a totally different customer base. Think the government is dumb enough?
<<In addition, a predominantly online marketing strategy will replace the company's traditional offline customer
acquisition approach.>>
We can't even afford TV and newspaper advertising to promote our web site.
<<``The Board of Directors has been very involved in this process.>>
Hey, don't put all the blame on Glenda, guys. Those idiots on the board are just as responsible.
<<We are very supportive of the management team and its more strategic business focus,' said Wolf Schmitt, Chairman of the Board.>>
Heads are gonna roll.
<<In addition, the company announced that its two founders, Craig Winn and Rex Scatena, have resigned as executives at the company.>>
See?
<<The company also announced that the board has appointed a special committee, headed by FDX Chairman Frederick Smith and including William Savoy of Vulcan Ventures, Thomas Casey,Vice-Chairman of Global Crossing and Michael Steed, Managing Director of Pacific Capital Group to explore strategic opportunities for Value America.>>
Time to start planning our defense of the stockholders' lawsuits. |
