To All: In view of the negative tone that sometimes occurs here, I thought I would bring in something positive, positive and spiritually uplifting. So I now present sermons from the Reverend D. Jones of the Church of Christ and the Market Risen.
Good Evening Brothers and Sisters.
It does my humble heart good to see you here. It has been an eventful week my brethren and I have a lot I wish to speak on. But first let us remember why we are here. Lift up your arms Brothers and Sisters lift them up toward Heaven. Now look up to Heaven, what do you see? What do you see on the end of those arms? Hands! Brothers and Sisters, Hands! That is what you see. Now those aren't hands for grasping the neighbors wife or husband you have been coveting....
That was a very subdued 'Amen' to my words about coveting neighbors wives. I would remind my flock that Sister Barbara had separated, legally separated, from her husband before she came to me for solace. Now there has been a little coveting that I know about and if the 'Amen' doesn't get a little more enthusiastic I can start mentioning some names... Thank You Brothers and Sisters!
Those hands my Brethren, God didn't give you those hands to hold empty, you have them for a reason. And the reason is for you to feel the power of the Lord. And what better way to feel the power than to grasp big wads of money in each of them. AMEN, Brothers and Sisters! For you can truly feel the Lords blessing on you when you are fat with cash.
Now some of you may be skeptical, I know, you come up to me after sermons and say "Reverend Jones, Doesn't the Bible say it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to go to Heaven?"
Maybe so, I have often thought that the weakest passage in the Bible but who am I to say. It sure doesn't say how easy being poor makes it to get to Heaven. Regardless, how many of you have seen the rich who live a life of ease and luxury. They suffer no want in life, yet the spirit of the Lord is not within them. They live their life without God. Then on their very death bed they repent. They take God into their lives. Does God cast them away because of their life of wealth. NO! For the quality of Gods mercy is infinite. Their souls waft to Heaven on the wings of angels.
Well, here at the Church of Christ and the Market Risen we say why take the chance. You could be rich and in a car wreck with a quick death before you can repent. We say have the spirit of the Lord in you and get the bucks. AMEN
Let us move now to some of the business at hand. Praise God! Praise God in all his bounty! Reverend Jones your pastor has got himself a ten bagger. Qualcomm has done it for me. Thank you Jesus, Thank you God. My prayers and the prayers of many here have been answered. Now who can doubt the power of God when a ten bagger is in the bank? AMEN!
Sister Mary has asked me to read a prayer today. Sister Mary is new to our church and was a little rash in one of her investment decisions. Sister Mary listened to a promoter and bought into a Bulletin Board stock. She didn't know the cesspit of Satan that the BB's are.
Here is her prayer.
Dear God, I humbly beseech you to visit upon that promoter who cost me 75% in one trade all of the trials of Job. Give to him leprosy, slay his children, take all of his property and then cast him into the deepest pit of Hell.
Amen Sister Mary.
Truly beautiful and from the heart, Sister Mary, even if it is a bit reserved in the torments department. Lord, hear our prayer.
That seems to be all the time we have today Brothers and Sisters, I was going to say a few things about Jesus but people have been talking about him for 2000 years, they won't forget him if I don't yap about him today.
Let us pray.
Thank you Father, for the blessing you have bestowed upon those of us who made the play on Qualcomm. May your blessings continue, may you open our eyes, open them so we can see the next Qualcomm on our stock screens. Share your wisdom so we can see the market leaders now and in the future. Amen.
Thank all of you my Brothers and Sisters for coming today and remember pay your tithes at the door. Make the checks out to Reverend D. Jones to Cash. |
