Went to see my shrink, the salubrious but never sanctimonious, (and former professional wrestler) Doc Kronkite.
I arrived right on the dot. You can imagine my surprise when I saw his lumpy couch full, shoulder to shoulder with Bambi, Buffy, Jane Fonda, Maria B. and another Hollywood lady who just announced she's filing for divorce. There was much crying, wailing, gnashing of teeth; many eyes were being dabbed with Kleenex. It was awful.
My eyes left the lumpy couch and saw scattered about the room, some sitting in chairs, some lying on the floor, one ready to jump out the open window...Ted Turner, Donald Trump, Bill Parcells, Mendelbaum the fund-manager, Mike Ditka, (just fired from the New Orleans Saints...I hate to see a grown man cry) and John Rocker, the great Atlanta Braves relief pitcher who made some rather whacky comments in Sports Illustrated and was told by the Commissioner of Baseball to get into therapy, or get out of baseball. I guess Doc Kronkite was doing the therapy.
All eyes turned to me, the interrupting interloper. The vibes were not so good.
"What are you doing here?" said the doc. "Can't you see I'm in Group?"
"Gee doc. I'm really sorry, but this is the time for my regular appointment."
"Mmmm. You're right." Addressing the group he said, "You'll have to leave. Go, get some coffee. Come back in an hour. I'll get rid if this yutz by then."
They filed out, giving me daggers.
"So boobeleh, how was your week trading? You musta got murdered the way the market dropped."
"Actually doc, I had the best week I've had in months." I said.
"You did? Me I got murdered. All my stocks, good companies too, went way down. So how come you did good?" he asked.
"Well doc" I said softly, not wanting to rub it in, "I went short early las Monday, covered Wednesday and Thursday. And I even bought some CBLT when I saw it on Jenna'a Market Gems watch-list and more than doubled on that one." I told him.
"Mmmm. What's a Jenna, and what's a watch list?" he demanded.
I told him.
"Give me her number. I'm gonna call her, get her list." he said.
"I don't think that's such a good idea doc. See, you have to subscribe to Market Gems. Then you get the watch list every morning."
"What's this gonna cost me? Coupla thousand?"
"Nope doc, the subscription is less than $40 a month."
"No!"
"Yes." I replied.
"So for subscription I get the Watch-list?"
"Sure doc. And you get her Earning's Plays, and you can read her posts. And doc, you can even talk to her by posting on the Market Gems site."
"No!" he said.
"Yup."
"So talk on me about your shorts? I never short you know."
"I know doc, but sometimes you can do pretty well on the short side. I shorted some AMZN and QQQ. Covered 'em and re-shorted them again when they rallied a bit."
"Mmmm. So how much did you make this week?" he asked.
"Gee doc, I'm not sure that the doctor-patient confidentiality covers that. Let's just say I made enough to pay for my sessions with you for the next ten years."
"No!" he said.
"Yup" I said.
"So you get all your ideas from this Market Gems watch list huh?"
"No doc. Actually I get some great ideas from SusanG, and Teri Garner, and Kendall Harmon and Small Fry and Nokomis and OJ and quite a few others. They're pretty good doc."
"OJ? I was wondering what he was doing these days. He was my patient you know. Left his gloves here. Want to buy his gloves? A real bargain I'll give you."
"Gee, thanks doc, but I don't think they'll fit. You know what they say doc, 'if they don't fit you'll go into a snit.'"
Don't want that to happen, right doc?"
"Right. Maybe Mike Ditka will buy 'em. He's got big hands. So, you've been sleeping alright?"
"Like a baby doc."
"Your er, sex life is OK?"
"Never better doc."
"Mmmm. Good. So what are you going to trade next week?" he asked.
"Well doc, the market was very powerful yesterday. I think they'll open strong on Monday and I'll do a little shorting. Say Doc, did I tell you I'm writing a book? "Day-trading and my Shrink". In fact I'm devoting a couple of chapters exclusively to you. A bargain at only $59.95. Anyway, I'll do a little buying, you know, stocks with good charts and strong fundamentals that haven't skyrocketed yet. You know how I like to play both sides of the street."
"Time's up boobeleh. My group will be trudging in any moment. Call me Monday, early, tell me what you're buying. Forget the shorts. Feh to shorts. Go, out the back way go."
"Thanks doc." |
