The response is even more classic.
Message 12579181
To: J. C. Dithers who wrote (86448)
From: jas cooper Friday, Jan 14, 2000 8:18 PM ET
Reply # of 86496
Wow! If I keep getting all this attention, it'll go to my head. Then I'll think I'm some kind of investment genius and start coding my messages, so the cut-throat market makers can't steal my picks. But enough about me, let's go over the rules.
1. Do not lie, or make up stories, to people who choose to place their trust in you. (Not that I have overwhelming sympathy for anyone who places trust in a stranger they meet on the internet; but still, it's just not the right thing to do).
But my whole life is a lie, why should my online persona be any different. I thought I explained that all when I called from Hawaii, or was it Hong Kong? Ya see, I wanted to treat my rock star girlfriend to a nice vacation, because we were going on tour with Ozzy. So we hopped a flight to Frisco, then went on to the big island to meet up with Jean Claude. But then we get into rule #2.
2. Don't share your personal illnesses (real or imagined), or your emotional turmoils, with your thread visitors. ( we really don't need to know about them; we have enough problems of our own that we don't burden perfect strangers with).
Well, I didn't want to. That's why I made up the vacation story. I contracted a severe case of stroekmiego and I didn't think is was right to burden the thread with them. But when the Hawaii scandal hit the fan, I had to come clean. Stroekmiego is an incurable illness, probably precipitated from my 24x7 devotion to hand holding, table pounding, and diligent research.
3. Don't share your family problems with your thread visitors. (see number 2 above).
Because of my closeness to my family I will only say one thing. It is strictly coincidence that they require my attention when my stocks decline. When the market is up, they don't seem to need me, and I can be here with you guys.
4. Don't whine, throw temper tantrums, or complain constantly about all the mean people who are stalking you or insulting you. (Remind yourself that you are supposed to be an adult; remember the old adage about "sticks and stones...").
Now I don't do that! If everyone who didn't agree with me would just leave me alone, everything will be fine. But all the backstabbers, lurkers and stalkers keep calling me names, so I'm picking up and taking all the people who love me to Jonestown. I'll show you. Besides, I'm rubber, your (or is that spelled 'you're') glue....
5. Don't pick up your marbles and run home to hide every time someone says something you don't like, or fails to show you the high respect you think you are entitled to. (see number 4 above).
I thought we already covered that. Hey! I'm doing this for nothing! Free! Gratis! Don't you think I deserve something for that, if not respect. It takes a lot of time and effort to repeat rumors I hear from Maria B. Did I say I don't charge for this service? And all the other guys with real followings have private websites. And Jim Cramer has one, and I don't even like him. Oh! There goes my Stroekmiego...
6. Don't make promises or wagers you have no intention of honoring. (Doing so shows lack of character).
Why not? Try and find me, and make me! Betcha can't. I got lawyers who are dying to chew you up.
7. Don't pepper your posts with vulgarities and profanities. (women and children may be listening; anyway, it only shows your lack of communication skills, not to mention class).
You're just an [expletive deleted], and I really don't give a [expletive deleted] what you think. [expletive deleted] off!
8. Do not communicate with your readers in pig-Latin, a foreign tongue, or some other secret code (Remember that you yourself are a visitor being hosted by SI, and respect their wish to have their boards be open forums for all).
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drgd';la'wkdfg./,e4tp0i-fxg9i-0e9-409-09dr-g;clfkg;lke4r.
All my faithful flock know what I said but you're out in the dark. LMAO
9. Do not ask your readers to bridge their anonymity by providing you with personal information about themselves. (see number 8 above, and remember that SI has good reason to scrupulously protect the true identities of all of its members).
Nobody gets my secret calls without a full credit report, phone number, and appropriate tithe.
10. Welcome all to your thread, and treat everyone alike, whether you agree with them or not, whether you see them as friend or foe. (Remind yourself, if necessary, that this is the whole point of open discussion forums in this great country we live in).
Everyone is welcome on my thread. As long as they follow the rules, which I may make up as I go along. You can't post on another thread. You can't discuss my picks. You can't discuss anyone else's picks. In fact all you can post is how well I am doing, and what a saint I am for providing this pro bono service to my destitute friends.
Oh, if you think I was telling the truth about selling all my CS and going 100% cash, go back and reread rule #1. I jumped in on the dip and pocketed a cool 4 points on that baby. You don't think a guru like me would miss the last couple of days. I just posted that to fool the cut-throat specialists.
Well, I gotta go. Since you guys probably won't follow the rules, I'm leaving, and never coming back. I mean it. You'll never hear from me again. I'm not kidding. I've moved to higher ground. I don't have time for this thread anymore. There's too many 'stakers' here. So I'm going to take my ball and go. I won't be coming back, ever. Not today, tomorrow, or ever. I won't tell you again. Look at jas cooper's profile. He keeps talking about me. And all I ever did was be good to him. So I've had enough. If you want to blame someone for not sharing my talent with you guys, blame him. Cause I'm gone. cya. Bye. LMAO hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... |
