I don't bother tracking it at all - too easy to manipulate.
OT - My Dad came across the complete transcript of one of the best comedy routines ever written. Enjoy....
> Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. The Yankee's
> manager gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
>
> Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the
> players.
>
> Abbott: I certainly do.
>
> Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell
> me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
>
> Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they
> give these ball players nowadays very peculiar names.
>
> Costello: You mean funny names?
>
> Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
>
> Costello: His brother Daffy
>
> Abbott: Daffy Dean...
>
> Costello: And their French cousin.
>
> Abbott: French?
>
> Costello: Goofe'
>
> Abbott: Goofe' Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on
> first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
>
> Costello: That's what I want to find out.
>
> Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
>
> Costello: Are you the manager?
>
> Abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: You gonna be the coach too?
>
> Abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names.
>
> Abbott: Well I should.
>
> Costello: Well then who's on first?
>
> Abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: I mean the fellow's name.
>
> Abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The guy on first.
>
> Abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The first baseman.
>
> Abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The guy playing...
>
> Abbott: Who is on first!
>
> Costello: I'm asking you who's on first.
>
> Abbott: That's the man's name.
>
> Costello: That's who's name?
>
> Abbott: Yes.
>
> Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
>
> Abbott: That's it.
>
> Costello: That's who?
>
> Abbott: Yes.
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?
>
> Abbott: Certainly.
>
> Costello: Who's playing first?
>
> Abbott: That's right.
>
> Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the
> money?
>
> Abbott: Every dollar of it.
>
> Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
>
> Abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The guy that gets...
>
> Abbott: That's it.
>
> Costello: Who gets the money...
>
> Abbott: He does, every dollar of it. Sometimes his wife comes down and
> collects it.
>
> Costello: Who's wife?
>
> Abbott: Yes.
>
> PAUSE
>
> Abbott: What's wrong with that?
>
> Costello: I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how
> does he sign his name?
>
> Abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: The guy.
>
> Abbott: Who.
>
> Costello: How does he sign...
>
> Abbott: That's how he signs it.
>
> Costello: Who?
>
> Abbott: Yes.
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first
> base.
>
> Abbott: No. What is on second base.
>
> Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
>
> Abbott: Who's on first.
>
> Costello: One base at a time!
>
> Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.
>
> Costello: I'm not changing nobody!
>
> Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.
>
> Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?
>
> Abbott: That's right.
>
> Costello: OK.
>
> Abbott: Alright.
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?
>
> Abbott: No. What is on second.
>
> Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
>
> Abbott: Who's on first.
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
>
> Costello: Now how did I get on third base?
>
> Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.
>
> Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is
> playing third?
>
> Abbott: No. Who's playing first.
>
> Costello: What's on base?
>
> Abbott: What's on second.
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> Abbott: He's on third.
>
> Costello: There I go, back on third again!
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
>
> Abbott: Alright, what do you want to know?
>
> Costello: Now who's playing third base?
>
> Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
>
> Costello: What am I putting on third.
>
> Abbott: No. What is on second.
>
> Costello: You don't want who on second?
>
> Abbott: Who is on first.
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> Together: Third base!
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?
>
> Abbott: Sure.
>
> Costello: The left fielder's name?
>
> Abbott: Why.
>
> Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.
>
> Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
>
> Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.
>
> Abbott: Who's playing first.
>
> Costello: I'm not...stay out of the infield!!! I want to know what's the
>
> guy's name in left field?
>
> Abbott: No, What is on second.
>
> Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
>
> Abbott: Who's on first!
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> Together: Third base!
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: The left fielder's name?
>
> Abbott: Why.
>
> Costello: Because!
>
> Abbott: Oh, he's center field.
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
>
> Abbott: Sure.
>
> Costello: The pitcher's name?
>
> Abbott: Tomorrow.
>
> Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
>
> Abbott: I'm telling you now.
> Costello: Then go ahead.
>
> Abbott: Tomorrow!
>
> Costello: What time?
>
> Abbott: What time what?
>
> Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
>
> Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.
>
> Costello: I'll break your arm if you say who's on first!!! I want to
> know what's the pitcher's name?
>
> Abbott: What's on second.
>
> Costello: I don't know.
>
> Together: Third base!
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: Gotta a catcher?
>
> Abbott: Certainly.
>
> Costello: The catcher's name?
>
> Abbott: Today.
>
> Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
>
> Abbott: Now you've got it.
>
> Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.
>
> Abbott: So they tell me.
>
> Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's
> pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter
> bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm
> gonna throw the guy out at first. So I pick up the ball and throw it to
> who?
>
> Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
>
> Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
>
> PAUSE
>
> Abbott: That's all you have to do.
>
> Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.
>
> Abbott: Yes!
>
> Costello: Now who's got it?
>
> Abbott: Naturally.
>
> PAUSE
>
> Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get
> it. Now who has it?
>
> Abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: Who?
>
> Abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: Naturally?
>
> Abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
>
> Abbott: No you don't you throw the ball to Who.
>
> Costello: Naturally.
>
> Abbott: That's different.
>
> Costello: That's what I said.
>
> Abbott: You're not saying it...
>
> Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.
>
> Abbott: You throw it to Who.
>
> Costello: Naturally.
>
> Abbott: That's it.
>
> Costello: That's what I said!
>
> Abbott: You ask me.
>
> Costello: I throw the ball to who?
>
> Abbott: Naturally.
>
> Costello: Now you ask me.
>
> Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?
>
> Costello: Naturally.
>
> Abbott: That's it.
>
> Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU!!! I throw the ball to who. Whoever
> it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball
> and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know
> throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a
> long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't
> give a darn!
>
> Abbott: What?
>
> Costello: I said I don't give a darn!
>
> Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
>
> THE END |
