Consider the Daffodils
#1 Before criticizing people, walk a mile in their shoes. Then
when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have
their shoes.
#2 If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let
'em go, because, man, they're gone.
#3 If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting
them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good
reason.
#4 To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something
when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you
give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
#5 The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part
of the face.
#6 If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to
tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying,
another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something
you did."
#7 If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in
the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a
panic.
#8 Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk,
my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was
an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
#9 To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no
choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
#10 I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a
king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some
Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
#11 Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that
word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate
words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery
and so is mankind.
#12 I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy
sure owed me a lot of money."
#13 If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else
flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye
contact.
#14 It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money.
And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just
sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
#15 If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a
beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
#16 As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to
red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more
than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that
way.
#17 I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without
hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd
never expect it.
#18 I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its
eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a
good idea but it's just eggs hatching.
#19 Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right
there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to
read good books.
#20 Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy
looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I
guess that's like a regular window.
#21 During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes
was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down
to the corner."
#22 When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did
was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked
it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had
deer horns.
#23 Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your
rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the
person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.
#24 If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your
horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and
the guy was reading a magazine.
#25 Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they
believe me?
#26 Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be
over here, looking through your stuff.
#27 For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip:
why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
#28 I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and
pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low
to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now
that's a documentary.
#30 If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to
sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I'd glance over the
treaty and then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I
thought we won!" |
