TO: Husband 1.0 Technical Support
FROM: Software user
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software;
severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications
that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon
was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as:
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf
2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and
invariably crashes the system.
Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning
2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3, to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose
utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!
TO: Software user
FROM: Husband 1.0 Technical Support
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due
to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its
creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge
Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to
do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend
5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from
the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once
per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are
common and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of
their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to
work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However,
these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will
notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this
strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent
company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL
responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To
activate this great feature enter the command: "C:\>THOUGHT YOU LOVED
ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and
more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a "C:\>APOLOGIZE"
comm and before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also
cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly
files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete.
Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember!
The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of
this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications
Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend: HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in
conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will
find many valuable embedded features such as: FixBrokenThings 2.1,
Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution!
Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a
supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating
system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until
MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product! |
