Yes. You guys. That isotonic mattress I got in the mail? I don't exactly know what it does either, but it sure is cushy.
It's like sleeping on prosciutto.
(Ask Stumpy.)
Cushioning is handy. Most of the chairs around here are wooden, maybe because there are five desks, or because we like them. (Each desk needs a chair, really; no reasonable way around that, I don't think ~ going around like a lion tamer?)
And they have pillows on them the last year since this started, "OW," and the main chair at the Currently Main Desk has two Bed Pillows on it, that are obviously bed pillows, because they are wide and have pillow cases on them ("The Case Against Pillows") ~ and frankly they look disturbingly stupid and are embarrassing.
A little bit Princess And The Pea, but mostly Sick Person Lives Here or "Why Aren't They On The Bed?"
Life embarrasses me. It just embarrasses me.
So, well, "The Case FOR Pillows," is winning. And we have to do some adapting. But this soft cushion on the bed, it's the softest thing I've ever slept on, without bones; and I can sit up in the bed and bang away on the computer, and the area where my butt used to be doesn't get sore.
Yippee.
Really.
"Hip muscle command" is coming back, by the way. I can squinch or scrunch now. What a relief. You need that muscle fluff more than you realize, and it's also the part that is Pad. Butt pad, or Butt Itself.
Butt Itself.
Endemic Butt.
Inherent Butt.
Without "Pad" and "Tension," the bone that I think is your pelvis sinks to the bottom of the pool. Zoom. Pad is the water and tension is the hammock in the water that keeps the USS Pelvis from taking a dive. When it hits the bottom, it's like having someone tap your fillings with a tuning fork.
Maybe a sick dentist.
Marty Molar.
Bridge cables come to mind. Really. I can't help it. They "suspend" the bridge. Exactly like pants. Big pants. Hmmm. The new bridges are "Cable-Stay Bridges." Same thing. You just have to keep the bridge out of the water. And you need something to hang it from. That's your back (there is a lot hung from it ~ a lot of muscles and bones); and unexpectedly, on the New Jersey end, it's your thigh bone. The actual femur. It's up high enough, off the chair or water, to suspend the cable from, only if there is that elevating cushion of butt muscle. Yes; the bones are elevated. Yes, your butt is your elevator to success.
I know about this because the cushion left and the cables dangled and separated and the whole freaking bridge came down hard on the oak chair. Eastern white oak meeting ossified calcium. Ow. Ow! It wasn't even a thhud ~ it was like a pointy-nose missile landing in Iraq. It didn't help that the surgeon sliced the muscle clean through, parted the wires like a theater curtain, for eleven inches of their length. Sadistic mother. He demonstrated this for me by putting his hands together up by his face, peering into the jungle, and then spreading the bamboo foliage as wide as he could, and screaming, "I'm Home!"
Ow.
Yah.
Crap.
I remember that part. The demonstration, and how painless it was, for him. Sadistic.
I said no wonder it hurts. And he said, yah, it will hurt.
"It will scar, too; and that abused tissue will take almost a year to become flexible again. Bye."
I got a copy of the "Finished" X-ray. I taped it to the window, so you can see it good. The amazing thing is the SIZE of the metal. It's bigger than I thought. It's eleven inches long. E-leven. The titanium stem that goes down inside the gutted-out femur is nine inches. It's inside nine inches of femur. The spherical head, screwed into the pelvis, is three inches in diameter.
It's giant, really. About the size of a wine bottle. But shaped differently. Of course. But I can't think of anything shaped like that. That size. Usually I can. Think of stuff. But, alas ~ no replacement-hip shaped replacement image in the directory.
You'll have to use your own. Wait ~ maybe a hatchet.
Giant Army soup ladle?
I need to find out what it cost. That always impresses me. Stuff like that. "And it cost 7,000 dollars."
"It was made in Akron and mined in Tunisia and Gdansk."
No really. I've eaten FOOD from all over the world, but I wonder where they dug up the chromium and cobalt and iron and titanium that wound up being my hip. Probably assembled from the four corners of the earth. (Earth doesn't have corners, and it would be the eight corners, anyway.) Nonetheless ~ heedless to say ~ I like to think of the Whole World coming together to help me on this. With "far flung" enterprises. Like Thor. And a touch of Chinese opium.
Okay. I have to go.
Thanks for the mattress.
Sweetie.
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